you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
