I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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