1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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