If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
