a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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