my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
only you would photoshop your dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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