I got chris browned last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
