A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
