i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize