i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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