I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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