Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
