Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
