Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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