My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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