We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
