did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
