I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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