A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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