Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're earring is so big in my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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