I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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