did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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