She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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