Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
