Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
