Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
