ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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