and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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