you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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