after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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