I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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