I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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