Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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