I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ugly people sure do ruin things
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
