Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
