Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
