The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize