That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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