Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
