Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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