he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
