The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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