But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
