Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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