Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
