Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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