My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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