A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
