If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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