He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
