well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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