nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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