weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How does it feel to date your dad?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
