very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
