just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
