Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
