i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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