apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
