$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
