Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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