I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
