I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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