There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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