Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
