I can text with my tongue
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
