So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
