if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
