Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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