Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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