At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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