i permit you to call me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
