You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
