Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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