When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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