he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pants are for mortals
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
