two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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