he shaved USA in his pubs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
