My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
