I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
