i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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